I’ve attended weddings on five continents. I’ve cried at them, laughed at them, been genuinely confused at them, and once — at a celebration outside Inverness, Scotland — I was pelted with a handful of cold porridge. Here is what I found.
1. Scotland — The Blackening of the Bride
I almost didn’t recognize her. My friend Catriona stood outside her family home in Inverness while her cousins dumped a bucket of flour, eggs, cold porridge, and fish sauce over her head. She was shrieking and laughing at the same time. This pre-wedding ritual — called “blackening” — is meant to prepare the bride for the messiest, hardest moments of married life. The logic, as it was explained to me: if she can survive this humiliation with grace, she can handle anything. I watched Catriona stand covered in slop, grinning, and thought — honestly, that might be the most marriage-ready thing I’ve ever seen.
2. Germany — Smashing Porcelain at Polterabend
The night before a wedding I attended in Bavaria, the guests arrived carrying stacks of old dishes and ceramic pots. I thought it was recycling. It was not. One by one, they hurled them onto the ground outside the couple’s door, creating a spectacular crash that echoed across the neighborhood. This is called Polterabend. The couple then swept it all up together — every shard — as proof they could tackle life’s messes as a team. I grabbed a broom and helped. It felt oddly bonding.
3. South Korea — Beating the Groom’s Feet
I witnessed this at a wedding near Seoul, and my jaw dropped. After the vows, the groom’s groomsmen removed his shoes, tied a rope around his ankles, and took turns slapping the soles of his feet with a dried yellow corvina fish. It is called falaka. The groom — my friend Junho — howled and laughed simultaneously while his new wife watched, arms crossed, amused. I was told the beating strengthens him for his first night of married life. Junho walked fine the next morning. I did not ask follow-up questions.
4. Sweden — Everyone Gets to Kiss the Bride (and the Groom)
I was at a wedding in Stockholm and needed to use the restroom. When I came back, the groom was being kissed on the cheek by a parade of female guests. The bride had apparently stepped out momentarily. This is an actual Swedish wedding tradition: when the bride leaves the room, every woman in attendance may line up to kiss the groom, and vice versa. My Canadian sensibilities were not prepared. The groom, for his part, looked absolutely thrilled.
5. Democratic Republic of Congo — No Smiling Allowed
I’ve seen nervous brides and crying grooms, but this was different. At a Congolese wedding ceremony I attended in Kinshasa, neither the bride nor groom smiled — not once, through the entire event, not even for photographs. Not because they were unhappy. It’s tradition: smiling signals that you aren’t taking the commitment seriously. The solemnity was striking. I found myself straightening up and holding my own face still out of sheer respect.
6. Indonesia (Borneo) — Three Days, No Bathroom
I didn’t witness this one personally — no outsider really can — but I spent time with a Tidong family in West Kalimantan who explained it to me in detail. After their wedding ceremony, the couple is confined to one room. They are given minimal food and water. They are not permitted to use the bathroom for three full days. Their family guards the door. The belief is that breaking this restriction brings misfortune and even infertility. The bride’s mother told me, with complete sincerity, that her daughter’s marriage had been blessed because they endured it perfectly. I chose to believe her.
7. India — Marrying a Tree First
In parts of Madhya Pradesh, I met a woman named Priya who had been born under what her community considered an inauspicious astrological alignment — specifically, Mars in the seventh house, known as Mangal Dosha. Before her human wedding could take place, she first married a peepal tree in a short ceremony. The tree was then symbolically cut down to absorb the curse. Priya laughed when she told me. “I’ve technically been married before,” she said. “My first husband was a tree.” She’s been happily married to her actual husband for eleven years.
8. France — The Toilet Bowl Toast
A French colleague warned me about this one before her wedding in Lyon, and I thought she was joking. She was not. After the reception, guests collected the leftover food and drink — scraps of cake, wine dregs, bits of bread — and mixed everything into a chamber pot. They then brought it to the newlyweds’ room and didn’t leave until the couple drank from it. The tradition is meant to give the couple energy for their wedding night. I was not in the room. I respected that boundary firmly.
9. Marquesas Islands — The Human Carpet
At a celebration in French Polynesia, I watched the bride’s family members lie face-down in the grass, forming a living path. The newlyweds then walked across their backs — slowly, carefully — from the ceremony to the feast. It was an act of total devotion. The family giving their bodies, literally, as a foundation for the couple’s future. I have been to weddings with string quartets and ice sculptures. None moved me the way that did.
The strangest thing I’ve learned from all of these weddings is this: every single tradition, no matter how baffling it looks from the outside, makes complete sense from the inside. They are all, in their own way, about the same thing — showing up, enduring something together, and meaning it.
Written from personal experience and cultural research across global wedding ceremonies.